my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
