50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
