my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
