are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
