i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
