I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
