Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
