Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
