1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
