Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
