Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
