When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
