I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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