Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
