your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
