It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
