I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
