this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Boobs speak an international language.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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