Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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