You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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