Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
