He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
