seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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