My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
