Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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