he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
