i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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