It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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