Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
