Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
