what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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