I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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