There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
