if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
