He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
