Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
