just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I forgot wine drunk hurts
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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