I wish I only lived at night.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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