I just saw a hot homeless man
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
