Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
