Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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