U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
