I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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