Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
