i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
