it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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