State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
