I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
