I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
