Duck Duck Cougar?
the condom got lost in my hair
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
