it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
