and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
