I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
