it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
