How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
