i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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