Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
