I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
