my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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