just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
