Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
