hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
