I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
