Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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