So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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