like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
