I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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