He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
