But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
