My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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