My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
