my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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