conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got inside last night via doggy door
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
