So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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