Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I could make wine with my vomit
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
