you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
